Somewhat Nifty

So much for posting everyday.

And so much for keeping this to myself for a while. I told Kary today about my blog. She immediately asked if it was something I wanted to keep private, or if it was something I didn't mind if she (or anyone else) checked out. I hadn't thought it out that far, really, so I was honest and said "No, you can see it." After all, I was so jazzed about my redesign, it was tough not to tell her about it sooner. I read her the first two posts out loud and for all I know she was bored enough to never visit here... or she's hoping I either write about her (which is inevitable), or reveal some juicy tidbits that I not dare repeat out loud that she can eavesdrop on. Either way I'm cool with her knowing this is here. We have a relationship that is unlike any I've been in before. I'm completely comfortable telling her what's on my mind, and I know she feels the same. If something is bugging me and I tell her about it, she doesn't immediately get defensive, but instead listens and responds. For example, this morning I expressed a concern about something that I've noticed going on in the last week or so, and we talked it out. The best part about it is that in the past I'd have let something like that build up until no matter how hard I tried, it would come out sounding accusatory. That's not necessary with Kary. I'll take the responsibility for the past, cuz it's always been up to me to say something if I wanted to say it. I just didn't. Maybe it was the long break between relationships that gave me time to realize that I had to be with someone that allowed me to be honest all the time... "allowed". That's not right. Again, it's always been up to me, but the thing about Kary is that she listens and thinks before she responds. She doesn't automatically go into attack mode. That alone has enabled me to bring things up that I previously would have been afraid to. We're comfortable with each other, but it's not a lazy comfort. It's an active comfort... one that means a lot to me. She's mentioned that she feels safe with me... safer than she's felt before. That plays into the being-able-to-talk-things-out thing. We each know that it's safe to bring something up that may not be the easiest thing to talk about, because we also know that the other person isn't going to fly into a tizzy and start playing dirty. I can't think of a time that Kary has ever really hurt me. I too feel safe. And it's a wonderful thing.

Back to the narcissism that is this (or any) website. Like I said, I wanted to show off my redesign. Up in the description of this blog, I wrote that "i am so not 'look at me'", which is true... but then again, we all reinforce our existence by interacting with others, right? The internet has made that easier, obviously... it's given every Tom, Dick & Harry a forum. There are blogs that are funny, there are blogs that are informative, but for the most part, blogs seem to be a way for people to say what's on their minds. Even though I have that in real life (see above), I'd feel I was boring Kary to tears if I talked about every bit of minutiae in my life. Perhaps this site will evolve into something more entertaining, but for now, it is what it is. No clever links, no vitriol... just me and whatever spills out.

p.s. The title of this entry refers to a phrase from Matt Groening's "Life Is Hell", in which young Binky stands before a wall of graffiti where the various artists have declared themselves "the best" or "the king"... and in the corner, very small, he has spray painted "Binky is somewhat nifty". I've adopted the phrase for my nearly-non-existent graphic arts business. The dot com is being held by some goofy Canadian (is that redundant?). I've considered registering "somewhatniftygraphics-dot-com", but that would limit it's content to business-type stuff, and I envision it as more of a personal site, with links to a portfolio, my band(s) and now, this blog. I checked his site tonight (which I do periodically to see if I might be able to snatch it up), and it's down. His registration doesn't expire until October of this year (it's kinda scary how easy it is to find these things out... hell, I even have his address if I wanted to toss a brick through his window... British Columbia's kinda far, though), so I can't imagine why his site would be down (he, too, is a graphic artist... he hasn't done much from what I have seen on his site, but I suppose it's enough to keep him busy), but it's a promising development. I may get my website yet. In the meantime, this place is mine, all mine. Somewhat nifty indeed.